Dwindling Superpower
Or...Weaning 101. It's happening. I saw it coming this month. Between the stresses of every day living, the hustle and bustle of work and the passing of mami, my body has decided it can't do it all. And so, my milk is drying up. I would like to thank chocolate in the organic whole milk as well as Silk's Very Vanilla Soy for helping me find a happy medium with the frog princess after weeks of failed attempts (not wholehearted ones, mind you). This is what Kal-El would feel like if he ever went back to Krypton (if it hadn't disintegrated and all). No superpower. Normal. I now have no ability to nourish another life. No ability to comfort in that same way. I am officially a normal mami. Although it doesn't happen overnight, in the last few days I've noticed my body shutting down the milk production. Both last night and this morning, I went to nurse and while there was initial success, it wasn't the same. I cannot describe that feeling. Though I've always known I'd stop nursing (I knew that eventually, I'd have to as my friends have already started teasing me about nursing her til she's 15 years old though she's only 15 months!), I've also always known that it would be hard and that there would be no way for me to prepare for it. Last night, it felt foreign to me to be holding a bottle during our nighttime routine (though she holds it for herself, I feel like I should be doing something during that time so I tried to assist with the bottle holding duties).
I am sure the frog princess is having a better time with this than I am. Though let me tell you, she will take her bottle but has put it down in favor of attempting to undress me so that she can get to the good stuff! I thought that by the end of this weekend, the milk store would be closed. It didn't happen but, I know it's around the corner. And a new chapter of my life will be opened. It's not all negative. There are things I am looking forward to. Not wearing pumping bras is on TOP of the list. Not having to sneak away for 15 minutes during the middle of the day while praying that no one asks "where were you?". Being able to wear whatever top I like and getting back to dresses that aren't open front are also on the list. And let's not forget, not having a child attempting to rip your top off as if it was Spring Break in the 90's all over again. But still, the exchange is not equal. The bond that I have felt throughout these 15 months has been incredible. The Man is happy though he will never understand all of the benefits that cannot be put into words or all of the sorrow that comes with no longer nursing. But, such is life. I carry with me tons of cool memories (and tons of painful ones). And if I get the chance to do it again, you bet your ass I will! I will now transition from "I Make Milk, What's Your Superpower?" to "I Once Made Milk and I Can Do It Again!".
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go sit in a corner and cry over non-spilled milk.