Disclosure: this is a sponsored post. Please understand that all the freak out is my very own. Thoughts and opinions as well. Now, somebody hold me! Saturday mornings around the kitchen table are proving to be a time when we dive into all kinds of deep conversations. After the last deep convo, however, I'm pretty sure I'm taking the damn table outside and setting it on fire.
A few Saturdays ago (my documented freak out to my friends says this happened on June 4th, I have blocked it all out), I was drinking my coffee and the Frog Princess was finishing up her breakfast and as usual, we were chatting about nothing and everything.
I wish I could turn back time so that I could've recorded the conversation. Then, I could tell you exactly what led to "the talk".
PAUSE! What talk?
Let me first stop here to say that my child has been asking questions for a LONG time. Thanks to her teacher being pregnant a few years back, she was deeply interested in HOW the kid was coming out. I let her answer her own questions for a long time until one day I very matter-of-factly said, oh the baby came out of her vagina. She said okay & moved on. So, let me show you how I looked on the outside:
In fact, this is actual footage of what I was experiencing on the inside:
A year or so after, she wanted to know how the baby (and she, in particular) had gotten IN to the belly. I'd just finished reading my girl Robin's book and I remembered she talked about the "seed" and the "egg" when it was her time to have the talk. I went with that and very diplomatically navigated this discussion calm and cool. Again, here's footage of me on the inside:
What happened around the table, Sili?
Ok, I had to give you that background first. Here we go. We had watched Avatar a few days before this. Thanks to the magic of DM's, I have gathered exactly what happened that day because again, I blocked it from memory:
ME: So...I had the sex convo with Elena over cafe con leche. Thanks to the movie Avatar. Now I need all the dranks. ALL. DA. DRANKS.
Friend #1: EMOJI FACES!
Friend #2: Ahhhhhhhh
Friend #3: Wait what?
Me: Yo...it took everything I had to not bust out laughing at times. "Mami. But HOW did you do it? TELL ME!"
Friend #3: Sex or making out?
Friend #3: I just fainted
Bitch! [Redacted] I had to maintain composure the entire time and act all matter of factly. She felt a ways about the aliens kissing under the tree of souls in the movie. And how their ponytails came together. She said they did that and didn't have clothes on. So then she said "do people do that? I mean, not publicly?" And I said yes. <giggles>
Then I said you remember when we had the last convo about reproduction (a couple of weeks ago, this wasn't our first)? I had told her that men and women come together but didn't give specifics. She knew the biology of the egg and the seed though I started using the proper terms for it.
Friend #1: I'm sweating just reading this
You get the gist. Right? Here's the thing: I'm still waiting for my parents to have "the talk" with me. Seriously. No one ever sat me down to talk about sex. I'm sure I had questions. They were answered by Judy Blume, Sweet Valley High and Harlequin novels. Granted, I had more details about romanticism and make believe sex than anyone three grades ahead of me but, no!
Conversations are sooo important. I'm uncomfortable as hell but I know this is the best course of action.
I was soooo happy for my friends. Because that one convo led to "ohemgee, I am having certain convos with my son and I don't have a penis!" as well as "this is what I said when my kid was that age". THE VILLAGE!
Of course, I jumped in and mentioned to my girl with the sons that she could head over to AMAZE mainly because I'd been perusing the site left and right before and after my conversation with the kid and knew she'd find some awesome videos to watch and share. I had this one on a loop for a bit:
AMAZE wants to help empower parents to be the primary sexuality educators of their kids. The goal of the videos is to inform and spark a conversation. And I am so glad for this!
NOTE: I also sent freak out text messages to her dad. I think it's important that both parents are aware of the conversations being had and what is being said so that if the child goes to the other parent, they're not taken by surprise.
The cool part about having friends with older kids is this: friend #4 has a kid going to college. When she caught up with the fainting, wall sliding, commiserating and cussing, she said this to me:
Friend #4: Listen: I'm so [redacted] proud of you for this, Sili. real talk. Because what this looks like down the line is me, [hubby] and [college bound kid] in the pediatrician's office on her last visit before college, having a very frank, matter-of-fact conversation about which birth control she will take in college, along with the great big box of condoms she will keep in her drawer. It was so beautiful; no embarrassment, no judgement, a conversation between adults about what is the best way to plan parenthood and keep her body safe from disease. I told her how limited my options were and how little info I had going to college; she appreciated the candor and was the least bit embarrassed because we've been having the same convos you're having with the Frog Princess since she was 5.
Don't laugh but, I teared up. Because, y'all! I'm doing it. She's doing it. WE ARE DOING IT!
Wait! What are we doing?
We're educating ourselves and having open and honest conversations with our kids so they have the facts. I hope to stop freaking out internally at some point but if that doesn't happen, that's okay. I'm going to keep talking to her about this. I'm empowering her in a way that I was not empowered and I am eternally grateful for spaces like the one AMAZE has created to give us tools that facilitate that empowerment.
And if you'd like to join the conversation over at the AMAZE Parents Facebook page. You'll find some great videos and content around sex ed and all that good stuff.
So tell me, have you had the talk with your kids? Did your parents have the talk with you? Chime in!