A Mother's Wishlist

I am filled with shame and disappointment right now. At myself. At the person I have become. When did it happen, exactly? Was it while I was potty training? Or maybe it was all the nursing I did? Is this payback for that?

I really don't know how to explain it. But this Mother's Day, I have something on my wishlist that I never thought I'd ask for...

That's a steam mop, y'all! A. STEAM. MOP. Who asks for that?! A MAMI, THAT'S WHO?! It wasn't until I uttered the words (with excitement, mind you): I want a steam mop! That I realized I was a mami.

Next thing you'll know I'll be dropping the kid off in rollers and a housecoat (PS: where does one buy housecoats?).

But Seriously, I Have Good Taste

I have other things on my list that I think make me cool. Certainly that BOMB-A yellow couch from IKEA tops my list. But that's totally a high end item and I'd get that only if I had a sugar daddy or if I'd manage to stop all this "trying to have my own business" craziness and continue my trophy wife job search. Here's my (kinda unfinished) wishlist:

• Steam mop - I need this because as you know, my nose is very sensitive and sometimes Chico has accidents that I have to go on a search & rescue mission to find. The steam mop would make my OCD feel better when I clean. Also, it will prevent me from passing out every time I go on a sniffing expedition (how come dogs don't pass out when THEY go on sniffing missions?)
• IKEA couch - it's yellow, it's trendy and modern and it BELONGS in my office. Also, here's a more detailed list of office things I need. By no means is it done but, I figure you guys can get creative with it
• Wireless router - because the homebase needs to be upgraded lest I drop my signal in the middle of the night
• A DSLR camera - because my brother told me I had to step up my camera game. No idea which one I'm going to get. If you'd like to pick this up for me, I'll let you decide what you think is best
• Junot Diaz's latest book for when I have time to read (which is never)
• Stamps - Yes, I'm totally asking for stamps. Don't judge! I'm in need of around 600 stamps to complete my mailer
• As a subset of stamps: lickers - I need someone to lick all these remaining envelopes closed!

I have other secret wishes. Like a massage. Maybe a spa day over at the Lake Buena Vista Resort. Time at the beach. All my bills paid for 6 months. And a Ford Escape (did I take it too far with that one?).

I'm up and down this Mother's Day as I suspect I'll be for a long time to come. With ridiculous emotional rollercoaster rides on top of the whole grief thing I'm supposed to pencil in to my calendar, I don't know what I will feel like tomorrow or Sunday. And thus my wishlist changes and I go from attempting to be funny with this crazy list to wanting nothing but to pull the covers over my head Sunday morning and having pizza delivered under there.

Small steps, right? That's what I keep telling myself. I think I'll keep trying to come up with ridiculous items to add to my wishlist. Keep it light, is what I say! Till the heaviness gets to be too much to bear. And then? Well, call on a friend, of course!

Is Mother's Day difficult for you? If so, how do you help yourself along?