It is National Breastfeeding Month! I am working my mojo over at MomsRising this month because I love me some milky boobs! Okay, I shouldn't say it that way but, you know what I mean.
There's only one BIG problem with all this celebration. I miss having a baby. Which of course, makes me think that I am too old to have a baby now. Not so much because I'm old (you betta shut yo face if you were thinking that!) but because I'm single and a myriad of minor miracles would have to pop off in order for me to, well...pop off.
And that makes me sad. The thought of not being able to experience a new human being knitted in my womb fills me with melancholy.
Don't get me wrong, I firmly believe I've hit the kid jackpot with the Frog Princess. And, I feel a great sense of gratitude when I think back to 10 years ago when I didn't think I'd ever be able to make proper use of my uterus thanks to endometriosis.
So it's a back and forth of feelings.
The other day, the Frog Princess was explaining how something made her feel and she said it was like when sadness and joy made that ball at the end of Inside Out. She said she felt happy/sad.
Which I think accurately describes how I feel about this whole "hey I'm a Mami and I'm truly blessed but, holy shit, I might never be able to do that again and that breaks my heart" situation.
Which is funny because I had a difficult time getting started breastfeeding. The brain plays these horrid tricks on you! I have a very vivid memory of crying while the Frog Princess was at my breast. Like tears because it hurt so much. I'm not saying I'd have the same experience but, why am I ovah here like "let's try that again, shall we?".
I think it all comes down to giving up the idea of not using your uterus altogether. Amirite? Like the thought of officially closing up shop. I don't think I'm ready yet.
And this month especially, I'm taking the time to support breastfeeding, rejoice with those that have been successful, support those that have not and not make it about my ovaries.
But I will say, it is SO difficult not to when I'm sharing amazeball stories and see cuddly baby pics that have me ovulating (ugh, my body is so wasteful! Hold on to that egg, we ain't ready yet!). Want to know what I mean? Check out these pieces over on the MomsRising blog. You'll see...
- Kicking Off National Breastfeeding Month! #RisersNBM16
- #MilitaryMonday: Modernizing Our Military Parental Leave
- Breastfeeding Stories: Meet Christina
- When Depression and Breastfeeding Come Together
- 5 Tips for Tandem Breastfeeding
- 10 Easy Ways to Set yourself up for Breastfeeding Success in Life and Work!
- #MilitaryMonday: Breastfeeding With A Food Allergy Baby
- Breastfeeding Stories: An Office With a Window
- Top 10 Reasons the ACLU Fights for Breastfeeding Rights
- Breastfeeding Is...
Have you closed up shop? How did you feel if you did?
P.S. did you snag one of these "I Make Milk, What's Your Superpower?" shirt?