Dreaming of Dirt: My Wish for My Backyard

I need help. I have a huge backyard that is not exactly usable at this point. Here's the vlog. Watch it, ignore my dirty hair and give me some suggestions. If you are HGTV, this would be a good time to tell me that indeed, you love Mami so much that you wish to come down here and fix this business.  I'd also be okay with Lowe's, Home Depot, the guy down the street with the bomb flowers planted in the front yard and any of the local nurseries that I don't know because I have no business being in your establishment (waiting for the flowers I planted up front to die. I hear there's a pool going).  One question though: um, about how much money do you think this is going to take? I've got like $5 on it. Maybe $10 when I get my tax refund.

http://youtu.be/f9jCfUXFIUE

So, give me your suggestions and/or come on by and make it happen.