Fever, Fears and Faith

When I was around the frog princess's age, I had what mami thought was an allergic reaction.  This past year, mami changed her diagnosis to roseola after seeing it in my baby girl.  I had to go into the ER with a fever of 105 degrees. I seized at one point in time. If I'd ask mami about that day on her death bed, she would be able to recall moment by moment, exactly as it happened.  Now I know why...Friday:- 18-month well visit - Baby girl didn't get shots at 12 months because she'd been in the hospital that same week with roseola - Given 2 shots (one was prevnar (for pneumonia) and the other is...<insert complete mami brain moment here>) - Baby girl cries a lot (one shot in each thigh) - I drop her off at #1 caregiver's and give her Tylenol before leaving the house - Frog princess is a little warm but generally plays and goes about her business all day - At work, I'm concerned.  I leave a half hour early to pick her up

- #1 caregiver tells me that she did good

- I feel good - Routine is normal in the evening though I feel a little off about the situation

Saturday: - I pick her up out of the crib and notice that one leg is hot and parts of her body (weird) - I take her temp: 99.5 - I administer Tylenol and watch her disposition - Upon seeing that she was acting normal, I decide to head to sorority meeting - At sorority meeting, the frog princess is a little clingy (but not really) - Frog princess walks around while the meeting is taking place and then proceeds to call for someone named "mom" when she doesn't see said person. I ask her: who is mom and how old are you? - Frog princess changes from "mom" to "ma" which is what I called my mami. Excuse me? How old are you?! - I notice that she is not enthralled with her crackers or her banban (she is obsessed with bananas) - I think nothing of it because she had breakfast just fine - I have to step out several times because she had a lot to say during the meeting.  She also wanted to march and was getting mad that no one was "following" her - By lunchtime, though, she didn't want to try anything on my plate which is not like her - I grab her and my things and head to the car. I notice her leg is hot again - As soon as I get home, I take her temperature. Enter 103.2 degrees here - I give her Tylenol - I run her a warm bath (not cold because I know that's not good for kids) - I sit next to the tub as she plays with her Yo Gabba Gabba tub toys - I call my sorority sister to catch up because I didn't get a chance to earlier - I run the washcloth over my baby while she plays - She splashes happily and I'm glad she starts to feel cooler while she's in there - My sweet princess suddenly and without warning falls back in the tub and I hear gurgling sounds - Insert crazy ass freakout moment here - Headphones fly out of my head as I yell Oh my God she's having a seizure - What I see: eyes rolled back, hands up by her chest with fists up, something going on with her mouth, jerking - What I feel: you have GOT TO BE F***ING KIDDING ME?! - I never have enough water in the tub for her to be submerged in and for that I am now grateful - I don't even remember her hitting the tub because I caught her while she was on her way back - I pull her out all the while screaming something though I have no clue what that was - I try to dial 9-11 on the phone but somehow my phone decides it wants to act an ass at this precise moment (later on The Man tells me that if any water fell on the screen the phone logs it as pressure and doesn't respond) - I scoop my baby, still seizing, into my arms and run the hell out of the front door - I yell for help and think to run next door - I actually rang the damn doorbell! While waiting for the door to be open, I believe that I yelled some more, I can't remember. What I do know is that I looked down and her lips were turning blue - The door opens and my FANTASTIC neighbors immediately jump into action by calling 9-11 - What I remember: he didn't try to take her from me or get me to release my daughter. It was like he knew just what I needed while his wife was on the phone - I fell to my knees and prayed and remember apologizing to my neighbor for disturbing them (really?!) - Her seizure stops and I put her on the floor ready to give her CPR but after the seizure stopped, she started breathing again though she's unconscious - What I remember: their sweet son bringing me a towel for my baby girl and him being so gentle with making sure the towel was placed just right under her - My frog princess lies limp on the ground and I think, how am I going to tell The Man? He was working - I let my neighbor sit with her while I ran to the house to throw my jeans back on (I was in shorts). My neighbor had tried to call The Man and couldn't get him. When I get in the house and pick up my phone, I instinctively dial him. He answers. Enter insane mami breakdown here - Baby girl wakes up when she starts being prodded by strangers - I run back home to get her jammies, Clifford and her blanket - Meanwhile someone grabs her carseat from my truck because apparently she can't ride in an ambulance without one (did you know that?) - In the ambulance, she cries because she wants me to hold her. For the first time EVER, I want her to cry because it means she's okay - Josh, the EMT, and I make jokes about how he's the bad man because she can't stand for him to mess with.  I cry as I call my sister, my father, my brother and my sorority sister who I was on the phone with (by the way, she met me at the hospital for which I have insufficient words of gratitude) - Blood pressure is good. Oxygen is good.  Blood sugar is good - Meanwhile, the neighbors have told The Man what hospital we're going to.  He makes it there in 10 minutes (it should've taken him at least a half hour if not longer. If things felt surreal for me, I cannot imagine how he felt being so far from us) - At the hospital we are told that seizures are fairly common especially because she's at risk since there's a "family history" of it - Baby girl is tired from the crying and probably from the seizure.  She falls asleep in my arms as she did when she gained the nickname of frog princess.  The Man and I share tears in the quiet of the cool ER rooms (you should check out Florida Hospital, they have a kid's ER that's fantastic!) - Dr. Bowen, the calmest, coolest soul of a doctor I have ever run into treats us again. Having spent way too much time in ER's, with doctors, and in offices, I can tell you that having someone this awesome is a true blessing! - Their advocates come in and give her a teddy bear, and she wants nothing to do with them but they smile and know exactly what she (and you) are going through - Dad comes by.  I choke up because at one point in time, as I'm telling The Man that dad is on the way I slip and say mom and dad - A few hours later we are discharged and I am so grateful to God for the many blessings He's given me

- Diagnosis: Febrile seizures

The vaccines caused the fever, the fever caused the seizure. My baby still has a low grade fever.  Oh and by the way, she's got 4 teeth coming in as well.  I'm sitting here typing this with a load of work to take care of and at the same time, eternally grateful for the kind words my boss spoke to me tonight.  I should be asleep as I haven't slept well in 2 days.  I am continually checking up on her.  She had a low grade fever at bed time and though I administered a fever reducer, I worry.  Funny thing is, my first instinct is to bring her into bed with me. But, I have to be the only mami whose kid DOES NOT want to sleep in her bed! But, that's my girl and I respect her for that.

I pray that I never see another seizure.  I pray that, like me, she never has another convulsion in her life.  In the meantime, I have a certain faith that she's going to be just fine.