Military Alphabet: The Toddler Edition


I was chatting it up with my girl Jennifer on The Twitter the other day. I would love to recount exactly how it went but, you all know my memory can't think far beyond this morning.  Add to that the fact that I'm too lazy to track down the Twitter convo and, you'll just have to take my reader's digest version for the truth! I think I said Whiskey Tango Foxtrot and she was all impressed at my military lingo. That's when I replied with W T Farts because, while I am not a military expert, I am all up in this toddler PhD!  That got us thinking and we decided that we needed our own alphabet.  Mine is the toddler one and Jennifer's is the teenager edition.  Without further ado, here it goes:

A: Apple (duh!) B: Betoz (as in "baby, why are you doing that" "Betoz, mami *insert eyeroll*" or, is this just my child that has an attitude?) C: Caklit (aka chocolate) D: Dadda E: Eat F: Fork (but it totally doesn't sound like that! Trying to get her to just say it in Spanish but, it's not working. If you hear her saying it, pretend like you didn't just hear a cute 2 year old say a curse word!) G: Go (as in 1, 2, 3 go! No one can count around my child without it turning into a race. Preschool is going to be fun!) H: Hurry (as in mama, hurry! I need peena badda!) I: Icekeem (because Lord knows she has had this maybe twice in her life and now yells it out randomly. J: Jump (this is what she wants me to do after watching Prima Ballerina 32 times. Instead, I say 1, 2, 3 and watch her run around the house while I lie down on the couch) K: Kake (Lord knows that things that start with C are quickly becoming some of her favorite things so, I took the creative liberty here so, don't judge!) L: Laundry (I mean, really? I have four loads that I haven't done and 3 that need to be folded. She's 2! How does she have so many dirty clothes?) M: Mine (do I need to explain this one? I think not!) N: No (simple enough, right?) O: Oooo (usually followed by mama, a sad look on her face and a hug. Most likely after the letter P) P: Potty (this is normally uttered as she squats and pees in her diaper as opposed to before the potty needs to be used) Q: Qakah (is your child addicted to crackers? Because mine sure is. And this is how she pronounces it. Sometimes I wonder if my baby was replaced with one born in Boston after listening to her pronunciation) R: Rolling (as in what my child cannot currently do with her tongue. She might have her Dominican card taken if she can't hurry up and roll her R's, you know. I hear it's genetic so, we'll blame dad for this one) S: Sleep (which you always need but never get) T: Time Out (the frog princess has actually put herself on time out which is awesome and the reason it needed to be in this alphabet) U: Um (I don't know about you but my child starts any sentence that's going to be a request with this word followed by a finger to her lips and an eyeroll to the sky as if praying that I'll fall for it) V: Vicodin (you know, the thing that House pops like tic tacs but you can't get no matter how many times you tell your doctor that folding laundry and picking up a 30 lb little human hurts) W: Why (as in "why, mama?" when I ask her to put her toys away) X: xlax (if you know that the actual words starts with an E then you know why it's listed here!) Y: Yuck (like when she actually does use the potty she looks at it, points and then says this) Z: Zebra (does this ever change?)

Now that you have this alphabet, go forth and confuse people - Laundry Mine Apple Oooo!