Worth 1,000 Words...

Mami_70s.jpg

Today, I was straightening up dad's room before his arrival, collecting those things that belonged to Mami for safekeeping. He has remarried and though his wife didn't come with him, she will be taking the trip soon and let's just say after the last visit, I realized my mistake in leaving mementos for my dad. For some weird reason, the new chick decided to take everything that was on the bookcase in his room and put it in drawers. Well, there I found an organizational journal I gave to mom years ago (or did my sister give it to her?). In any case, I was about to take it when I thought: I'm not going to use this. As I went to put it back, I decided to take the band from around it and open it. I keep hoping to find a last letter penned in my mother's hand. Some deeply profound note telling me...stuff. I want to hear from her. Especially as we near the anniversary of her death.

But I didn't find a letter. I just found this:

Mami_70s

This wasn't a coincidence, folks. This picture has given me life! It. Is. EVERYTHANG! For so many reasons. First of all, I adore the resemblance. But more than that, look at that damn attitude?! Shit! You would not be messing with, her would you? She is serving up a cold and sultry side eye that I have worked for years to perfect. I feel like that attitude, that je ne sais quoi is now deeply sown into my soul.

Mami was a go-getter. No one could stop her from doing what she thought she had to do. She was a hustla. Smart, beautiful. The complete package.

I'm having to make a lot of tough choices this year. The biggest one, though? The clarity and understanding that I have to take care of me. That I have to be responsible for my family of 2. Not waiting around for people to make up their minds as to what they want to do, who they want to be with, whether or not they will be living abroad or within the confines of my mother's house (with a new woman?).

I'm tired of being mother hen. Tired of feeling like I'm being drawn away from what I am meant to do so I can help someone that might need fixin'. I can't fix people. So, I'm not about to keep on trying.

This past week, Pastor Joel said we should love people where they are today. That's what I'm doing. Not committing to the possibilities or the potential. Loving them and continuing on down my path so I can love some mo'!

This picture today is worth more than 1,000 words. Because it brought me the freedom from my thoughts and the release of a responsibility I didn't realize was so heavy, so consuming. This picture freed my soul with an ah-ha moment I don't think I would've gotten if I'd found the letter my mother never wrote.

Because I'm worthy of being happy. Worthy of not settling. Worthy of not feeling responsible for the entire planet.

I'm worth it. Worth the work, the sacrifice. And if you look at that picture, you'll see, what's what she's saying too.

Want to have me all to yourself? Sign up to get my updates and posts to your inbox.

News

(if you are pregnant, think you might be pregnant or real emotional right now, skip this blog entry ;-) )

It is with a mixture of great sadness and pure joy that I write this.  Mom's body lost her battle with cancer though her spirit won the sweetest victory the morning of February 2nd.

She passed sweetly, softly and in the arms of her children.  We could not have been more blessed to have witnessed the spirit of this beautiful woman leave her body to take her rightful place in heaven as a child of God.  The best part was that was our fears of her discomfort and pain in her last hours were never realized. Mom was pain-free, comfortable and peaceful as she made her transition and that was a wonderful gift to her family.

I want to personally thank each and every one of you for the beautiful cards that you sent her and the powerful prayers that you sent up.  I want you to know that they were answered.  Mom is healed!  Perfectly and completely.  Please continue to keep our family in your prayers as those that are left behind embark on a new journey.

My mother was the nucleus of our family with a magnetism that will surely be seen in the coming days.  Everyone that she met became family.  As her kids, we were always slightly resentful of having to share her with so many people because, as you very well know, every child wants their mami to themselves.  However, we learned a lot about how to treat others, how to live life and what really matters.  I would like to think we radiate some of her light and goodness because of it. Due to her gravitational pull, mami is survived by a great number of people, not just blood relatives.  I cannot name them all and will not because it would be a great tragedy if I forget someone's name.

Again, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.  They were heard and they continue to sustain us as we mourn the homegoing of this wonderful woman.