Some days (especially during my Iyaworaje) I have struggled with my perception my own productivity. With what has gotten done at work. With what I didn’t take care of at home. With my office looking a mess. With the garage not yet being purged. I struggle.
Some of that is behavior I have to unlearn. My dad used to love to say that I was lazy and I think any time that I look around and I’m not actively doing something, those are the words that ring in my ears. It’s gotten better throughout the years (and thanks to therapy), though.
The thing that hit me hard last year was the fact that while some days it seems as if I’ve gotten nothing accomplished, there’s mental and spiritual work that gets handled day in and day out. On any given night, I might be talking to someone about their experiences, comforting them about a situation or providing insight, as I’m being guided to do. After I am done, I usually feel exhausted. But I always feel like I’ve done what I was supposed to do.
I realize that I need to decolonize my productivity and that shit just blew my mind. I’ve come to understand that I’ve been wrong all these years about “work” and “success”. Because that looks different for different people. For someone whose purpose includes healing, it won’t look like the garage organized or the pantry fully labeled.
It looks like notes of thanks, watching people stepping into their purpose, bearing witness to women standing up for themselves and taking a real step in creating their own happiness, ancestor whispers, it looks like magic.
I am always humbled when I am trusted with someone’s heart and given the opportunity to pass on some bit of information that will heal them and allow them to move forward in their rightful path. That feeling of accomplishment does not get old. So, I shift and pivot in order to find a space that allows me to give fully of myself as I am guided to do while still operating in this world that measures success based on what others can see with their own eyes.
Some days, healing work is harder on the healer so, bear with us, okay?