Women and Grief

I was recently talking to my good sis about grief and grieving as I supported her through a heavy period of her life and we got into what support looks like for the grieving woman. It was not lost on us how much energy we have to expend to assuage others and comfort them (while we are in deep need of comfort ourselves) because they have a hard time watching us experience these life altering feelings. Especially partners. We had both specific and general conversations, observations, and thoughts on the matter.

It’s okay to have no words for a grieving person, and it is okay to be unable to make them feel better. Because ultimately, that role rests solely on them (read: us). Especially when it comes to the healing work that has to be done while we grieve. And I mean grief in all its forms.

This is a nuanced conversation for sure. But, as we talked, the words below came pouring out. More as a note I’d like to stick on my fridge for future reference . And maybe as a quick handout for folks I know and love who need support in the hopes someone connects with these words. Here’s to being seen.

Let Me

Let me sit in my grief
Bathe in my tears
Drown in my sorrows

Let me weep until the morning
Remembering the parts that are gone from me

Let me collapse into your arms
And let the job of holding me up be the only thing that you can think of

You cannot fix this
You cannot help me bypass this pain

Grant me the gift of letting me care only for my grief
Without concern of how my breakdown is breaking you down

Give me the space to mourn as my full self
Don't force me to choke on my pain because of your discomfort

Don’t silence my cries because you’ve not sat with your own sadness

Let me sit in my grief for it is good even if it doesn't feel like it
It is the flower that blooms from all the love I've planted
The one nurtured by the light in my joy and comforted with hugs that I will no longer feel

And yes, I will be happy once more. But today, let my tears cleanse the wound left behind by those that occupied my heart

I am not okay, but as long as I can count on you to hold me during this time, be my rock in this moment, have the strength to witness the fullness of my loss, my love, my living, I will be okay once again. But not now

For now, let me lose myself in the ocean of my pain and just be my anchor so that I may find my way back, changed forever but well loved still

Fortified in the knowing that my grief, as my love, is allowed to run wild and free as it will always be a part of me