Relationships are hard. The right relationships are worth it. Believe it or not, it took me a long time to realize this. Not the hard part. But the worth it part. I thought all relationships fell into this bucket. And in the past, I've put myself, in some way, shape, form or fashion, in a "wrong" relationship.
The light bulb
I mentioned this a few weeks back about realizing that I couldn't accept subpar treatment in a relationship because I didn't want my daughter to repeat that cycle.
But even then, I held out hope.
It wasn't so much that I didn't understand my worth as much as it felt like he refused to see mine.
But there was more to it than that. Because I give all to my relationships, the benefits were given early on and I ridiculously expected that it would be reciprocated.
Folks Will Take What You Give
People are simple sometimes. By people, I mean men (HA! Jokes, folks. Jokes). Not simple as in lack of brain capacity but simple as in they are trying to forge ahead through the path of least resistance. I think we all do that, to some degree.
If you are a giving woman, you give. This has burned me more than once. Giving doesn't guarantee the sentiment will be reciprocated. Not just in a romantic relationship. And therein lies the problem.
I'm Not Settling
I've certainly dated since ending that relationship so long ago. I will admit that at one point we tried to make another go at it but, I understood right, quick and in a hurry that words and actions not matching meant that very little had changed. I didn't give it a second thought as I had already mourned the loss. You see, I was ready to reclaim my time.
What Does That Mean?
While I give you a specific example above, I'm not speaking about one particular person here but rather, have identified my own patterns and understood that this is a change I have to make within myself. It's important that we take ownership of the patterns that we perpetuate in our own lives so that we can break those cycles for ourselves.
Reclaiming my time has to do with words coming out of my mouth that match my intent and desires. It means that I'm no longer listening to pretty words that tell me I am loved, cared for, important or a priority with no semblance of action behind it.
I'm so damn tired of it. I'm especially tired of the following phrases:
"Don't be like that." "Why are you being mean?" "You're special." "That's not the case."
There are more but I won't give them all to you here. The bottom line is this, you (the general you) ain't fooling anyone.
Women will sometimes fool themselves, though. I can admit that in the past, I've done that. Reclaiming my time means not wasting my own time on bullshit.
When words are not matching actions, I get real clear of how things will go down. I have zero interest in a man that doesn't keep his word. Just as I have zero interest in continuing to feed narcissistic behavior for no good ghatdamb reason.
I love companionship and I love love. This is the reason why I have a need to see to the truth and myself.
What kind of example would I be setting if I continued to accept less than what I deserve? Settling is something that I don't think I was built for.
I'm strangely happy and fulfilled in this single state. Truth be told, I don't enjoy dating. I was never good at it. Probably because I detest small chat and I'm slightly allergic to assholian behavior.
But, I am open to it in an "ohemgee, it's the beginning of the school year and I get to have new pencils" type of way. With excitement and happy expectations.
In the meantime, though, I have to say that I am enjoying this new open version of myself. This truth teller that I have become. This settler of nothing but magic. It's made me happier and I think it's made me a better woman.