My Mami

9/28/10 So, this blog is about Mamihood but at times we forget that as Mamis there are so many other aspects to us.

My mom has cancer. It is bile duct cancer, not very common (government name: cholangiocarcinoma). Long story short, we're in the midst of 8 cycles of chemo. At last check, we are winning. But this morning Patty, one of the nurses at the doctor's office, called to let me know that mom's liver enzymes were high and they wanted to do a sonogram. I don't like what that sounds like. The last time we had to get a sonogram they saw blotches on her liver which meant that the stupid thing was traveling. Oh and also that the tumor had grown and was pressed up against the bile ducts which meant she was jaundiced and needed to have 2 biliary catheters inserted into her liver and they now come out of her body. She now has bile duct cancer with metastasis to the liver. That was in June. Since then, Randall (the tumor's name) has been getting his ass kicked.

But then this call comes and all of this strength stands on edge. And the thoughts begin. As a mom, the best thing in the world (aside from my baby girl) is the fact that my mami is able to see me be a mami. So, this whole thing is really throwing a monkey wrench in my carefully laid plans.

I am praying. HARD. I am asking for prayers. CONSTANTLY. I feel as if I pray without ceasing and yet some days I feel as if I do not pray enough. I am stronger in my faith today more than ever and yet, I feel as if it gets harder and harder the closer I get to God.

One of my two favorite Joel's said this "Focus on your faith; let God deal with your fear." - Joel Osteen.  My other favorite Joel said this: "Worry is a mild form of atheism.“ Joel Hunter. Today, I try my best to redirect my thoughts. And to believe.