Naughty or Nice: Mami's Letter to Santa

I admit it. I STILL BELIEVE! And I don't care how bad things get, how many grown up decisions I have to make or what kind of mayhem is going on in the world, there's something about The Big Guy that I can't shake. Even as a grown up, I've written letters to Santa.  I think that writing these letters makes me believe. It makes me think about a time in my life when I believed that a fat man could seriously get through the security of our windows through the fire escape (I grew up in NYC and, how else was he going to get in the house?).  I also think that, if you're not in the spirit, there's nothing like a good letter to get you downing egg nog and kissing inappropriate people under the mistletoe.

This year, Christmas will be difficult for me.  It marks not only the first that I'm spending without mami but, it's a reminder of the beginning of the end as mami got ill Christmas Eve last year and was hospitalized until after the new year.  But still, this was her favorite holiday and she had dad decorate the tree so that the frog princess could have a festive environment. Anywho, this is also why I feel the need to write to Santa. I'm hoping he has a link to my blog.  If he doesn't, I'll be heading to the mall and chatting with him about why he doesn't love me enough to read what I write and then will shower him and his elves with my business cards! Yes, I've had plenty of time to think about this as I lie awake at night after making the mistake of falling asleep with the frog princess at bedtime.  

I put a linky at the bottom of this blog so that you can share your letter to Santa with me (I mean he'll probably read my blog before yours so, this way you're covered).

Dear Santa:

How you doin'? I'm here just chit chatting with my bloggy friends. You know how it is. Listen, here's my letter. I know I'm probably a little late but, I figure the little kids are sending their crappy letters through the mail and you can read mine instantly on the net! Plus, as a blogger, I'm giving you exposure so, that should count for something.  Anywho, here's the list, big man. I trust that my name has made it on the nice list.  I mean, you did get my letter of apology for the teensy bit of road rage I got while driving in that traffic jam earlier in the year, right? I sent it with some cookies so hopefully, you received it. If you didn't, check with the elves.  While we're at it, I think you need a main project manager elf because sometimes, I think the elves don't do stuff just because they think you're busy not watching them. I'm not up for the job or anything but, I can certainly make some recommendations. My list is not that long this year.  Check it out:

All I Want for Christmas:

  1. World peace - I heard recently that if we don't include this little request in our letters you tend to just skip right by it so, there it is.  I know it's a biggie so the rest of the list should seem like cake to you
  2. An iPad2 - I also heard that you're all high tech these days.  I am as well! I'd like one of these to keep up with all of the great stuff I do all year to stay on the nice list. It will also allow me to play Angry Birds which I'm hoping will keep my road rage aggression to a minimum (though I won't play while I'm driving)
  3. For you to put the jerk that cut me off the other day on the naughty list stat! I mean I don't know his name but you do find out who is naughty or nice and Santa, let me tell you: he's not nice! He just cut me off clearly when I was trying to cut in front of him fair and square! I mean who does that? He saw me trying to go into that lane, why not just let me in?!
  4. Baby clothes and money to help me get these bags for the kids together. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm mad at you! I've been working hard trying to get people to donate so that babies could have clothing when they are born. Go read the blog, Santa! I mean really! While you're at it, I haven't gotten a lot of feedback or commitments for this. Santa, who doesn't love babies? People who don't help out with this definitely need a bag of coal!
  5. Some writing gigs. While I'm on the topic, Santa, I've been checking out some of the stuff out there for you. I think you might need me to blog for you and keep up with your social media.  Also, are you ready for that tell-all autobiography? Because I'll be more than happy to work with you on that.  I'm thinking that you might need an image overhaul as well. I know you're tired of the same ol' same ol'.  Want to take it to the next level? You need to hire me to be your dream coach (I'll give you a discount depending on what I find under my tree ;-) )
  6. A Kindle Fire.  Do I need to explain this one? I think not!
  7. Pajama Jeans. My friends would probably unfriend me on Facebook if I got a pair of these for myself but, if you bring them to me, who could argue? I mean they would be from SANTA! Have you tried these? I'm curious to see if they are comfortable and if people can really not tell they are pajamas when I roll out of bed and stroll into the Walmart because the Tinkerbell jammies are definitely noticeable right now
  8. The winning Fantasy 5 numbers. You are probably asking why I'd ask for this and all of the stuff on my list. I don't want to put you out of work, you know? But I am just trying to make a little cushion for myself so that I can continue to do what I love which is writing and helping others. Think about it. I don't want the lotto numbers or anything. That's just too much money and hassle. But Fantasy 5 will allow me to get what I need without the drama of everyone wanting me to get them houses and cars and an education. They should play their own numbers or ask you for a winning ticket!
  9. A BRAND! Can we talk business for a second? I need like an official brand behind me. I initially thought someone like Mac or Cover Girl but then realized I don't wear make up (although if I had a make up brand I'm sure someone would teach me to use all that stuff to make me purty and whatnot).  I want someone that will see my awesomeness and know that I am going to change the world and they should totally be part of it. I'm really thinking a wine company because that's right up my alley but, I'll let you choose
  10. Tickets to Blissdom and BBC for next year (and perhaps Type A since I haven't been to NC). If I am to do this seriously, Santa, I need to attend some conferences. Would you consider sponsoring one (or all) of these trips? Have your elves call my frog princess and set something up so we can talk (she just got a Leap Frog phone for her birthday so, she's connected and ready to take your calls)
  11. Six-digit Monthly Page Views. 'Nuff said
  12. To have an awesome Christmas Eve that's drama-free, full of love, the spirit of the season and happy memories of mami. Oh and some coquito!

I thought I'd round out the list at 12 to coincide with the 12 days of Christmas cuz I'm cool like that.  Listen, you know how to reach me.  If you need additional confirmation of why I need to be on the nice list, I have a spreadsheet and a PowerPoint presentation with pie charts (all in red and green, of course). I'm also including a picture of my first Christmas in the States. You remember, don't you?

By the way, I have a fake chimney thing in the house. Are you going to be able to make it in with magic sprinkles or something? Because if you attempt to use the front door, there's a slight chance you'll get tazed.

oxoxox, Me