‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
It's just us. The Frog Princess and I. We have matching pajamas but no special dress up clothes. I struggle between wanting to stay in bed and driving around just to be out of the house. Between making breakfast and taking a break because I've spent hours in the kitchen the last 3 days and its still not clean. It's just 2 of us, what the hell?
My sister is in Maryland with my rosy-cheeked nephew on his very first Christmas. My brother is in Butte Montana, on the road with his girlfriend that's a traveling nurse.
I miss my family. I miss my friends. I worry I'm doing it all wrong.
I've been accused of being too careful. I see people having the time of their lives, traveling, being out in the world and not dealing with this virus. But I can't risk it. It makes me angry that they can be careless and still stay negative for COVID-19. You don't wish this on anyone but damn. I know people that have been living life extra careful only to have this virus knock them down. Some never got back up.
My dad has been here from D.R. for almost 2 months now and he hasn't seen our faces yet because we are always masked around him. Even though I stay to myself, I don't take chances after his quadruple bypass last month. Like I legit was going to give him our unmasked faces for Christmas because he hasn't seen them in so long. But people gather with folks that could be asymptomatic and then want to travel to loved ones with pre-existing conditions. That's nice. I mean you gotta live life and not let something that’s taken over 300,000 lives stop you, right? Is it worth the risk? #sarcasmfont
I woke up wanting to cry today. Woke up feeling sorrowful. I have a million things to do. This has been the pace of the last few days. But, I turn around and can't remember what's next.
There's been tween boundary pushing and the doling out of consequences which have to be balanced out with pandemic living and the general judgment that comes from the not being in my shoes but thinking they know.
I've been wanting to bake cookies for a week. But now all I can think about is the fact that I'll be making a big mess in the kitchen. And...I need an island for prep.
I want to go clothes shopping but nothing fits right and everyone is too close and everything I scroll through on the screen just doesn't look like it would work and what if we needed a different size?
I'm holding on to my decisions on consequences while still attempting to bring magic to the season. But the season requires ink and my printer is out. It's okay. I ordered some around 1 am last night and now I just have to pick it up. But, I haven't had coffee yet and I'm typing this from my bed. And I really want to just go back to sleep.
But, I told the Frog Princess I'd make breakfast after she unloaded the dishwasher. So, I'll just wipe my tears, get up and do what I need to do. Which is clean the kitchen so I can make it dirty again and bring the magic of the season through this pandemic. In matching PJ's.
