Working Through the Pain With Disruption


I had a rough morning. I've been able to track the pain from my endometriosis a little bit better and can now anticipate it. I'm still not good at the bouts of fatigue and all that jazz but the pain? The pain I can track on paper, for the most part. This morning, I wanted to crawl back into bed after standing up and setting up breakfast for the Frog Princess. It was the kind of pain that gives you an automatic wave of nausea. Things that I immediately think when this pain hits:

  1. Can I stay in bed all day?
  2. Why me?!

Then right after my nonsensical questions, I get a wave of gratitude. Sounds crazy, right?

No, Sili. You cannot stay in bed all day. And why you? Why not you? You are not the only one dealing with this! You are not alone in this. Stand up and ask for help, it will be given to you.

I experienced a similar cycle last week after the election. Did you? Maybe you didn't. I can't assume everyone that reads this feels the same way. I did. And so did my friends.

The gratitude I felt this morning was for my flexibility with work, for my daughter's independence and ability to grab snacks and water bottle and whatever else she needed this morning while I breathed through the pain curled up on my bed. The gratitude in knowing that if the pain persisted, I could call in late for work and allow my body a little time to feel better. These are not small things.

I feel the same gratitude for the women behind Our Digital Disruption. For answering the call when we were collectively lying down in bed asking if we could just stay under the covers for the next 4 years. For not ever asking "why me" and for taking up arms, in the form of our words, our bodies and our voices, as we look down the road to a time when we won't have to fear for our collective safety or that our collective rights will disappear. I'm grateful for them, not for jumping on the bandwagon but for building that bitch as we roll down that road. Together.

The pain dissipated after some rest and some nourishment (physically and spiritually). It always does. I was able to get out of that bed this morning and jump back into the work that I love.

I hope you're not still in the bed and under the covers but I totally understand if that's where you're existing at this moment. When you come out, I hope you'll stand with us and help us build that bandwagon on our way to where my sisters, brothers and I can exist in not just equality but in equity.