Dating Dossier: Giving

There was this guy once... It felt like we'd grown up together. Can I call him a college sweetheart? Not sure. I can say that he had most of my interest during my college days (which is when I started dating, by the way). He was sweet. And he was nice. We would spend some summer days at each other's houses watching TV and not really speaking. I looked forward to those days.

After college, we met up again and this time around it was...different. We had grown into ourselves a bit more. But it was still nice to have had that past experience of growing up together, to a certain extent.

Still had kinks though. Inconsistencies that I thought were mine but that I realized much later were his own insecurities rearing their head, eventually at the expense of our relationship.

Anywho, the year he was turning 30, I had a plan. It's actually a plan that I want to do with everyone on all of their major birthdays. But this was the first time I executed it. Thirty days of presents. Thirty reasons. I'm such a sap sometimes! I'll admit, I am an incurable romantic. But don't tell my left brain, lest a war break out.

It was not easy. Y'all know me so of course there were spreadsheets and back up gifts in case I found out he already had something that was on the list. Some things were simple. Like a CD of the top 10 songs the year we met. Some things were not so easy. Engraved presents always work, right?

I poured my heart out that summer in the form of this project. Because more than the present, each gift came with a reason for why I selected it for him and in part, a reason why he was loved.

Needless to say it was a raging success. Though things did not work out between us, I am glad I did what I did. The purpose for the project had to do with the "holy shit I'm turning 30" freak out that Mr. Thirty started to have in the months leading up to his birthday. And also because I'd come to realize he needed to be shown love in a way he'd never been shown before.

That's the thing about dating for me and probably the reason why I was never a big dater. Because I give a lot of myself. I guess in my old age I've come to realize I can't do that. There are so many factors to take into consideration.  The business side of dating makes me want to run and hide. Sometimes it's too much for this heart.

What are the rules for giving? Is there a ratio that we should keep in mind as we date? Or are you a believer that your actions are not determined by someone else's reaction?