Dating Dossier: The List

A long, long time ago, I had a conversation with Robi about the list. She just celebrated her 13th wedding anniversary but this must've been about 5 years into her marriage. I remember her telling me she had found the list she'd made years ago regarding what she wanted in a man. And that she'd checked off her must haves for her husband. Good thing too because I didn't think an annulment would be possible then. We are list-making women. Robiaun is definitely my sister from another mister. Her husband says we are twins but I think that I lack the gumption and resolve that flows naturally from her. She's always been able to stand in her truth and in her worth. I hadn't seen that before her. Throughout the years she has stood by me and has provided me that backbone when I needed it, reminded me of my worth and more often than not told me that either 1. I was overreacting or 2. I was wrong. You need a friend like that. Someone that's not afraid to tell you the truth. I'm blessed (I guess) that I have multiple women that fulfill this role. But, I digress.

This post is about lists, dammit! Do you know what you want in a mate? Do you know what you need? What's a game changer? Where do you compromise? Do you know your worth? I'll be posting about the business of relationships soon. It's a repost from another lifetime but one that I think still resonates. But for now, let's focus on your list.

Well, actually it's my blog so let's focus on mine. I don't have one. I, the queen of lists, have not written down my needs and wants for a mate. Going through my corporate social responsibility class's discussion about personal vision and mission this past week reminded me that I need to get back to it. I know I wrote a list once. But I have no idea where it is.

Enjoy yourself...that's what your 20's are for. Your 30's are to learn the lessons. Your 40's are to pay for the drink. - Carrie, SATC

And so I will use my OneNote to put a list together. A list of must haves and a list of "if you got this you are SO out the door". We need these lists to keep us honest and to remind ourselves to not settle for anything less than what we deserve. I'm good for that. Personally and professionally. In friendship or partnerships. I am not afraid to admit that to you. But I want to do something about it.

I think that as women, we cheat ourselves out of leading the life that was set forth for us because we are afraid to speak our needs. And even though this started under the dating dossier header I think this applies to everything in life.

So here's your homework (yikes!). Make a list. If you are blissfully coupled (yay!) then make a list about your goals or a dream you want to accomplish. If you can't think of anything, make a Christmas gift list for me. Don't be afraid to ask me what I want.

Refer back to your list as often as you need to. Give yourself a measuring stick. And have a friend hold you accountable. Then, let me know how it goes.

What do you need a list for in your life right now?

List