From Adversity to Positivity
This post is supported by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the CDC. Opinions are my own.
I remember being so geeked about working with the American Academy of Pediatrics and learning about ACE's (Adverse Childhood Experiences). It gave me a new vocabulary to discuss some of what I'd experienced and what I've seen in a cross section of society and my community at large.
In these last few years, I've realized that experiencing ACE's, being aware of them and understanding how they can form and shape us has allowed me to parent, very specifically, to minimize ACE's and amplify Positive Childhood Experiences (PCE's) for the Frog Princess. One of the BIGGEST messages I really internalized is the power of providing safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments (SSNRE's) in order to create those positive experiences.
A BIG way to knock out the environment piece is through community organizations. Boys and Girls Club of America and the YMCA are 2 community organizations in my area that I feel families can rely on to help create that environment. Programs, activities and mentorship can go a long way in providing practical and relational experiences to foster growth in children.
Something that I thought about as I pondered about the people and places around my child, someone that’s not a family member or friend and doesn’t fit as an organization: our therapist. I don’t know what I’d do without her partnership. Yes, parents can get along as they do the job at hand but, having a therapist to guide us (and them) in big ways and small is a blessing I did not see coming when I set up that first appointment. She is the unsung hero providing a safe environment and modeling behaviors unique to her relationship with my child.
That, coupled with my village, made up of some family, mom groups, friends both near and far, and my spiritual community have gone a long way in ensuring that this Mami is raising a soon-to-be-teen (WHAT?!) that is rooted in positive experiences. As a parent, I feel my most accomplished when I think about the fact that my daughter is rooted in that positivity, knowing she has a supportive group of her own to lend a helping hand. I think of what that will do for her growth and her contributions to the community as she gets older. Maya said when you know better, you do better and I’d like to think this is a perfect example of that. I’m grateful to the American Academy of Pediatrics and the CDC for providing such great resources and updating them as their research has uncovered more information.
This video touches on a few ways you can create that experience for your child (and for yourself!).
My sister and I often marvel at how the Frog Princess is growing up. We chat about the tools and support that she has as well as the ways in which all of this will affect her future. Lina Acosta Sandaal, a family therapist and friend once gave me a great reference that I continue to repeat. She said that when our children are small, we are with them in the boat of life. Teaching, providing, preparing. But, as the grow into teens, we become the lighthouse and have to step out of the boat to offer a different type of guidance. Our role while we are in the boat is to make sure we are inviting people into that boat that will keep them safe and secure, that will nurture them as we perform our role as the guide outside of that boat. I feel blessed to have people in the boat with my daughter that she trusts, that she is safe with and that love her. It is a different type of parenting joy to know this. And one I wish on all parents in their journey.
For me, the ability to transcend what up until now were generational experiences, provides such a comfort to my spirit. It’s the type of healing that so many of us need. And it’s right there for our taking. We just have to put in the work and dig into our childhood experiences to find the soil with which to fertilize the positive experiences of our children. And in that way, we also re-parent ourselves and heal our own wounds. It’s a win win, don’t you think?
How do you create Safe, Stable, Nurturing Relationships and Environments) as you build positive childhood experiences?
Check out these additional resources to learn more about building resilience.