Dating Dossier: Online Dating

I'm single. Did you know that? What you might not know is that I've never been a big dater. And thus, this world we live in of online dating and showcasing yourself online for the purposes of a partnership is, shall we say, unknown to me.

Crazy, right? I mean I live online, why is this so difficult?

Truth be told, I have no clue how this happens online. But there I went, signing up with an online dating site just to check things out. Allow me to channel Mother Oprah for one second and tell you what I know is true:

Aliens

Y'all, I can't do this. I just cannot. I think the first and most important reason is the total lack of punctuation in the messages I received. And deficiency of capitalization. What happened? Did a capital letter bully you in school? Did a comma slap you upside your head? What did correct grammar do to you to cause you to send me messages lacking in it?!

I don't think I can do online dating.

But seriously, dating is kind of scary. Online dating has a special level of OMG that I can't describe. I have no clue where to begin. So I've decided I will just be single for the rest of my life. Because if my option is finding someone via online dating, I don't know how it's going to happen. Ima need this vision board to work its magic and find someone to sweep me off my feet like I requested. Randomly and in a non-creepy, "this dude ain't stalking me" kind of way.

This is what I want. I wrote up my list a while back and obviously need to add a few more things to it. Like proper spelling and punctuation.

It's Memorial Day weekend. If you guys find a hawt guy that meets some of the criteria from that list that can actually sweep me off my feet without the use of the interwebs and its dating sites, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I'd also greatly appreciate some of those BBQ ribs. And a kale salad because...balance. Please and thank you!